Confidence = Hearts Fluttering Fonder

I’ve noticed a theme. Aside from still living at home, men in their late 20’s and early 30’s are severely lacking the happy medium of confidence that women are in search for. You have one end of the spectrum where they’re too cocky, and not in that charming challenging sort of way. Or they’re severely lacking that underlying confidence that provides that “take charge” and “I’ve got my shit together” undertone.

Maybe it’s the need of a great girl to get them there. Maybe it’s having the right friends. Maybe it’s simply a small wake-up call from a stranger. So here it is, I’ll be the surrogate bearer of a figurative slap in the face. This applies to some, not all men; some of you (applause) actually have it together. I’m speaking mostly to those who are still single and flailing. Wondering why the great girls just haven’t arrived yet. Well, here is why.

We see you. We know you’re there. If you can shake off whatever it is that’s forcing you to not take a little more pride in your appearance or whatever it is that makes you stand a little less tall, now’s the time to do it.

Stop whining. We’re not your mother, nor do we want to be. Have a backbone. You know the part where you want an attractive and put together woman on your arm, well, newsflash we want the same flippin thing in a man. There are a few things you should work on and own if you ever want to dress the part…and a few things that you should shy away from too.

The Rude awakening

Your ex is probably your ex for a reason. Have a light bulb moment as to why. Stop talking to her unless you want to get back together.

We also don’t want to hear about her or any other women when we’re out. There really isn’t ever a time where we’re dying to hear about another woman that you’ve seen naked.

Courting, though a silly word, is still a much sought after concept by women. Flowers are always a good idea. Seriously, buy them. It can be inexpensive with daisies or elegant with roses. Either way, you’re gaining points. Follow-up texts are a smart move – if you’re interested. Make plans for the next date at the end of the one you’re currently on – we hate the waiting to see if he’ll call game. Even if we offer, pick up the tab (at least the first few times we go out). Open doors and let us walk through first. Throw out some compliments. We love them even if we don’t take them.

Take a look at your look. Figure out if what you wore in high school really is what you should be wearing as you hit the late 20’s/early 30’s mark. Here are a few thoughts on that:

Jeans. Get a couple of nice pairs. That fit. If I can see your socks when you sit down, they’re too short. If I can’t see any sort of ass in them, they’re too big. If they’re black, they’re not “dressy”. I actually don’t agree with the fact that they still manufacture black jeans. Dark vintage wash are always a good choice. Boot cut or relaxed are always preferred. Some girls love the tight jeans on skinny boys, if you’re rocking that look you probably should be also wearing converse and playing a guitar, drums or bass.

Shirts. If there is a collar on it, always iron it. There will never be a time when you can take a collared shirt out of the dryer and immediately wear it. No I promise, there is NEVER a time where it’ll “still look good”. Tee shirts are great. Long sleeve and short sleeve. Henley’s are sexy. Sweatshirts and sports jerseys have a time and place. Obscene words and pictures on shirts, though funny with friends, probably turns people off as often as it makes someone else laugh. Keep that in mind before you enter Spencer’s or TeeShirtHell.

Trends. Stay away from them. Capris. Stay away. Shorts, always should fall as close as possible to your knee. That also applies to swim trunks. If you’re wearing sneakers with shorts, ankle socks please. If you can suck it up, wear flip flops with shorts, it always looks better.

Hair. Take a break from your barber shop and head to a hair salon at least once. If you’re hair has been the same since you were 15, it’s probably time to revisit why that is. On the plus side, hairdressers are usually pretty hot and love the chance to help a guy out with a haircut that’ll look best on him. You can get talked into a hot shave. Do not get talked into highlights.

Once you’ve got those down, you’d be surprised how much taller you might be standing and how much longer a date might last. Last and probably most important. Have a job or career that is going to at least support you and your social life. Successful women will run at the first glimmer of a man that has no career goals or no job. Yes, it’s a less than exciting economy, so being laid off doesn’t apply, as long as you’re not coasting on unemployment for too long.

You can tweak these suggestions to make them your own. Ask a friend that’s a girl, a cousin, a sister, a co-worker. Most of them will agree. At the end of the day, none of these things will actually change who you are. They will however make you more appealing to the opposite sex. Most of these things will jumpstart the confidence factor. Let’s face it, the more confidence you have and the better you feel, will shine through to the ladies. Would you want to date you? If you hesitated, chuckled or thought “well my Mom says I’m a catch” then there are probably a few things from my helpful suggestions that you can take away and apply.

This post was based on rants that I’ve had with my girlfriends over the years. It was about time to actually put them into writing.